


a view of your true self

by eternal_lightnighboy29



Category: Onward (2020)
Genre: Angst, Brotherhood, Brotherly Affection, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Feelings, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Protective Older Brothers, Trans Character, Trans Ian LightFoot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:35:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23450314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternal_lightnighboy29/pseuds/eternal_lightnighboy29
Summary: Ian Lightfoot or well as everyone called him Ellen Lightfoot was the name that had to carry from the moment he was born what is wrong with that name? or that there was something wrong with him, because he didn't feel that wayHe didn't feel like Ellen, he just couldn't fit in and he knew that Ellen never existed anymore, but everyone saw him ... oh god
Comments: 4
Kudos: 16





	1. be yourself

**Author's Note:**

> Hello first of all I just wanted to say that I am very happy to write this story after being in a long hiatus without writing something, and more than anything new well I already saw the movie and I really loved it and how is my habit of making stories like this, I will get on my own ship of ideas and thought about this trans headcanon? If I'm not really sure that it exists but well I'll make sure I do this story to the best of my ability
> 
> It is worth clarifying, that this is a translation of a story that is mine, just in Spanish, I know that many would not like it, due to the fact that the translator does not translate very well, and if I am sorry for that  
> 

Ian LightFoot was his name, at least for himself but why wasn't it for others?

Ian had been born from a normal family, with his mother, his older brother and his father.  
Up to a certain point in his life, he had his father for a very short time, since unfortunately the patient with something very serious led him to decay and later die, really up to that point he had not thought about it too much because he was too young when it happened, that did not prevent that she wouldn't miss him every day even if she doesn't remember meeting him

After that he could not remember almost anything, he only remembers how his mother fell into deep sadness and his older brother drastically changed to being a little more rebellious, but he felt that it hurt in his own way in a way that affected the family. , made him feel helpless as a child he could not do anything just observe, after all he was only six years old but he was too advanced for his age to know that everything was wrong

Ian lived his normal life, if that could be said, he was a shy boy and somewhat introverted that was the reason why it was very difficult for him to make friends, of course he had his brother but personally he felt that it was only because they had the same blood otherwise it wouldn't even come close

He had a secret, well it was something like it was not the typical secret that you made a mischief and avoided at all costs that your parents found out it was much more than that and he knew it deep inside he knew it, no he told no one for fear that they would scold him or worse that they would never love him again, but he did not feel good about something  
He did not feel good with the fact that he was called 'Ellen' he was always ellen this ellen that, he just did not understand why this feeling, it was a nice name but he did not feel that it fit with wherever he saw it

That was not the only problem that he saw this, he started with the dresses or god the dresses were something horrible for him, he always felt suffocated and uncomfortable having them put on his body, apart from being uncomfortable it was difficult for him to do normal activities for his age like running, jumping and even sitting and those things were also the same with skirts, it was also annoying for his mother to always be a little more strict in certain things with him and not to let him play in certain things with his brother like fighting or playing on the ground, he never understood why it was that way with the

As for the relationship with his older brother, it was good, they had always been very close, both of course if there were times when they fought sometimes with such insignificant things, but anyway their relationship was good.

'Miss Ellen LightFoot! Lower this time the food is going to get cold and you know I will not reheat it on this day 'he heard the voice of his mother coming from below

He frowned slightly, he got out of the chair in which he was sitting, he saw himself for a few moments in the mirror in his room, he saw her appearance saw her two pigtails tied with two bows, saw her long white dress until a few inches below the knees and his black shoes, he couldn't help feeling bad with this look he didn't want to dress like that and he definitely didn't want to look like that anymore he didn't feel like the ellen everyone says the sigh a little tired Under the stairs he could slowly see out of the corner of his eye how his mother and brother were sitting at the table, and to some extent it was almost normal for him to be the last to sit down without saying a single word.  
  
'Here, you have to eat, I don't want you to get sick, Ellen, seriously, because you're always the last to come,' asked her mother, while with one hand she put the plate on the table and with the other, made a loving gesture touching her forehead.

To which he did not respond, he was immersed in his own silence, so hard for almost all the food, the only thing that was noticed was his mother because his older brother was more concentrated playing with some small action figures at the table.

'Barley son please I ask you to stop playing with your ... toys at the table when we are eating, understand?'

Her brother turned to his mom almost with pleading eyes

'b-but mom if I'm eating, what does it have to do with me playing with my action figures?' he said, playing with his figures again

which he saw as he got up from his chair and went to Barley and removed the small figurines

'Sorry son but I think you have already played enough, apart you have not eaten anything since breakfast, in which if I remember more you were also playing with your toys'

'but..mama no, well that's fine I'll eat!' he said resigning himself did not want to be punished for disobeying her without her precious figures

and this is how the food went, his brother had finished eating, who almost as fast as a unicorn running to the trash, went to his room to play, instead he had almost finished eating

when he finished he was about to get up to also leave

'Daughter, before you go I want you and I to talk it will only be a little while' said her mother she looked worried

he just stared at her for a few seconds, he couldn't help but feel chills when he heard the word daughter, still had to answer

'Yes of course mom, what is it about?' I ask in the most respectful way possible

'are you ok ... I mean do you feel good? I have seen you silent during the whole meal I mean if I know that you are not exactly someone who talks too much but at least you talked to us, today you did not tell us anything, you were in your chair only moving the food most of the time '

I seriously notice it, he supposed it was obvious after all her mother was an adult she was more likely to notice it

'Y-yes mom I'm fine..and-I'm fine I was just thinking about..some things'

His mother looked at him doubtful, it was obvious that he noticed that it was a lie but apparently for today he would let it pass at least for his doubtful luck

She sighed and folded her arms 'it's alright Ellen you can go upstairs to play with your brother'  
  
'Thanks mom,' he said almost immediately, leaving to prevent anything from happening at that moment, he went up the stairs and opened the door of his room that he shared with his brother.

he saw his brother playing with his board games, he saw on the floor scattered various toys like toy swords and shields and most of them were his little action figures, the way being careful not to step on any

'hey but it's my little sister Ellen!' he said approaching and carving his head with his fist, often doing it in greeting with the

the little boy sighed somewhat annoyed, but also greeted him

'Hi Barley, what were you playing?' he asked this time a little more curious.

'I was playing the new board game dealing with wizards and dragons! You really have to play it is the coolest game that could have ever existed '

'wizards and dragons? Sounds like a good fantasy-action game. '

'fantasy and action..is more than that you know! I read that all that is real, and it is part of our history, you know that our ancestors have probably been great wizards, have you never read about that?

'Well ... I'm barely six years old, I'm barely learning to read, but well then, will we play?'

he saw his brother's reaction of happy emotion

'I waited for you to say it for a long time! Alright let's play 'they both sat down and Barley arranged the board game more looking for the cards, which for some reason were all messy in the room, he just stared for a while' heh well I was able to collect all the cards I think I It's about time to start, right? '

'Hmm, aren't you supposed to ... explain the game to me?'

'nah is much more exciting on the go! well it's time to choose the characters, you have to choose to be the princess, or the great Manticore 'he said with the cards in his hand

He was going to continue, but Ian had already chosen his letter

'I want to be the magician, I think he is the best and the knight ...' he saw his brother's face, apparently it did not bother him that he chose the wizard or the knight for his great luck

'ah well since you chose the best I will choose to be the dragon and the mino taurus warrior of evil!' he said in a dramatic tone

They had both started to play, it was a very good afternoon, the afternoon passed the game was very fun and although he knew that they were not playing it as the box said it was much better this way, the game ended with Ian winning

'You beat me, good heavens, I suppose that's very good, you know I think she will be a great wizard!'

Ian sat on the bed, he didn't feel like that was true

'the truth..I don't think that will happen'I don't wait long for his brother to replicate that

'why not? I think so! I mean our ancestors were magicians, maybe it is one of the greatest I think that if you could be a wizard

'Yes, well, our ancestors did if they did magic ... Barley maybe it would be better for him ... not to focus on other things, you know how ... the school is in elementary school and you are almost in fourth, so maybe we should think a little more about the future don't you think so? '

'How pessimistic you are Ellen, before if you believed in the magic that happened because now you say that'

'Well, when I believed in magic, I was three years old, apart ... everyone knows that magic is no longer there for a long time, only before did they know how to do it.

'Well that does not mean that it is not reborn, apart from what makes us different, Ellen? "Ian couldn't help but frown, to prevent his brother from noticing he lay down on his bed

'I don't know Barley..Look, I'm just saying that I don't see myself in the future as a wiz.. well as someone from magic, yes ..'

he saw how his brother sat on the floor crossing his arms, he didn't say anything for a few long seconds which was kind of weird in

'Ellen..may I ask you one thing..well two things?'

Ian this time a little bewildered at his brother's serious tone, he had never spoken that way

'hmm right Barley..you can ask me anything'

'Why are you upset sometimes when we talk to you mom or I ... did we do something wrong? "He said directly reaching the point

'w-that Barley I would never bother with you two I don't understand why you say that'

'But Ellen' watched as he tilted his head down with a somewhat serious look 'you see! You're doing it now '

Ian was surprised to hear, was that true? Maybe it was a reflection of it

'Barley no I'm not annoy-..' his words cut off tired sigh what am I supposed to say to Barley?

well after all it was his brother, it was his family he had to tell him at some point but I do not consider that this was the moment and more because of his ages, it was something that was still complicated for him even if he was more advanced for his age than another child he sat on the edge of the bed

'Barley ... if I tell you something ... do you promise not to tell anyone ... not even mom?' She said as seriously as he could

'Not even mom? but I do not understand why it happens is something bad, something happens to you you feel bad tell me what happens Ellen?! 'He said this time very upset

'No Barley please you have to calm down' he sighed 'I feel good nothing happens to me just ..'

'just?'

Was it the best I could do? I would not know until I said it, although to be honest up to this point I did not know how I would say it without ruining everything

'Barley..I don't like..no ..' I breathe slowly grabbed all the air he could take from his lungs and said it 'I don't want to be Ellen..it's a good name yes but not in me I don't feel like her .. 'I close my eyes waiting for some bad response or action

"Okay .. if you don't want to be Ellen .. who do you want to be?" He said simply as if it were a normal conversation

'It's okay? Seriously, you don't think bad of me or something like that '

'Because I would, I don't know about those things but I love you first of all we are brothers and this will not change in any time or place!' He smiled

Barley ..' he did not know what to say, he felt his brother's arms embrace him he felt his warmth surrounding him he smiled a few small tears came out of his eyes 'Thank you' is the only thing he could say, it took a few long seconds for him to be told they made very long both separated

'So if you have another name? if you don't like the previous one you can change it for another one '

He was silent, in truth he had not thought about it ... but what name could it be? There are millions of names, how would he decide for any of them?

'How about Warren is a good name,' suggested his brother.

'hmm Barley is a good name but..mhh' I was somewhat dubious about this

'If you are right you are right, there is not much left that I was thinking ... how about Stephen was the name of a good wizard from the days of before!' Said this with more emotion 'or grimory, well it is not exactly a name but it sounds great no or maybe or maybe hunter or rod '

'Barley, they are good options but ... well I need a real name, do not see it wrong, apart there is still plenty of time to choose' said the somewhat sorry to have to say no

'Mm well you're right, excuse me let me take a little, but well I suppose you're right you must choose your name right ?, I know you said not to tell mom, but won't you tell him?'

'Ehm Barley ... well it's complicated maybe later,' said the nervous this time, 'but hey, didn't you say you had two questions for me which was the other?' He said trying at all costs to avoid the previous topic

'ehh second question?' I ask in a confused tone

I was going to answer but they were interrupted by the door opening it was his mom

'How are my two beautiful children?' he said as playfully rubbing their heads with his hand, messing up both children's hair in the process

'Okay mom, we were playing the new game you bought us!' Barley said with excitement this time

'Oh seriously? and what characters were you Barley 

'grab the dragon and Mino taurus! It was so great, too bad I end up losing, 'said the last, still with a happy tone.

'hurry to still have lost these very happy Barley' she said smiling she turned her eyes this time to Ian 'then Ellen I imagine you had fun too'

'..hmm yeah mom I had fun too this game is very good

'I'm glad you had fun, but it's close to dinner time, so it would be better if you both went to wash your hands this time I made your favorite dish' she said smiling

'yes mom now let's go' we both started walking towards the door, mom had been a little ahead of us, neither of us addressed the issue a few minutes ago, to her luck from him

The day had gone by too fast compared to any other day of that month, he felt a bit strange about everything that had happened, but at the same time he was happy to finally tell someone what he feels, although he still wondered what It would happen if he told his mother, right or wrong, it was something that overwhelmed him a little, a little strange for a child of just six years old who thinks this way but well it was only a little strange to worry about so many things at his age but he had the right to do it, he was now lying in his bed again, this time he was looking towards the ceiling he had not said anything again since dinner, his brother apparently was reading a book of mystical things or something like that, he recalled the conversation that had had with him a while ago he sat on the bed, it was a doubt that he probably couldn't sleep without asking

'hmm Barley..hi..you want to talk for a moment' he saw the sight of his book take off as soon as I hear him speak, now his gaze was a little curious' I know you said you don't remember him..but I know that it's not true you could ... talk about it .. if you want 'he said a little more shy this time

'eh I don't understand what you are saying ... what I said a while ago' he put his book under his pillow and settled more on the edge of his bed

Ian hugged his legs, still wondering why it was so difficult for him to express certain things, guessing that it was his introvert nature that made him do this.

'You said you had two questions for me ... a while ago I asked you about it and you pretended not to remember that ... because' his voice became somewhat low at the end

he saw how his eyes widened, for a few seconds he thought he was surprised or something like that they were silent for a few seconds with each second that passed the silence became more uncomfortable

'to be six years old you are too smart ... to notice' he spoke softly, his eyes narrowed and he sighed 'I wanted to ask you about ... dad, it's been five years since he ... well it was just something unimportant'

'It doesn't matter, what are you talking about, of course I do care, maybe I didn't meet him but I don't downplay him please I just want to know what worries you, that's why you got nervous no'

'Well I suppose I should say it, what do you think about all this ... many years passed and I know that our mother will never say it but it affected us all in her own way ... and you ... I just want to know how she feels about everything this you have never talked about dad '

Ian looked at him for a few seconds, to be honest he did not know how to answer that question exactly, it is not that he does not want to talk about his father but ... he did not know how to do it he never met him and did not want to ask much about it with them to not remind them of their father

'Barley me, well it's hard'

Barley looked at him said nothing, he just stayed listening

'I know it is not an excuse, not knowing him but there are many reasons, I love dad but I never knew how to talk to you about him, I did not feel that he corresponded me' he said the last bit a little sorry

'that you speak clearly that if you correspond you know that we are both his children, both you and me'

'I know but even so, when I saw both of them so sad when they saw their photo and remembered it, I didn't want to talk about it because ... I didn't want to make them feel any worse so that's why I never asked much about him'

As he could not have noticed that, everyone was so sad about the death of his father that they never thought about what he felt neither of them had stopped to ask him

'I'm so sorry ever ... I thought you would feel all this' he said in a low voice he could see how tears slid down his cheeks

This was the first time that he saw the serious side of his brother, outside of all the jokes or his magical things, perhaps it was a side that did not want to show anyone, they always replace him with a smile.

'Barley, don't worry, it's not your fault, not Mom's, rather I'm the one who should apologize ... if I was just a more open person, it would be better but I promise I'll talk to you more if something bothers me' well that was a half lie there would still be some things that I would not talk about at all

the older boy wiped away the tears with his arm

'Even so you and I will talk about everything you want to know tomorrow, and maybe you should also talk to mom you know that you have us both for everything you need, you know we are a family' his tone still remained somewhat low but the last said with a small smile

'I understand Barley..so it will be'

but deep down inside he knew that even with all this, he would not be able to tell everything he knew that at some point of these they would ask him questions, because to be honest he couldn't stand having to wear dresses and long hair, it was something that She was going to change but she knew that would ask her mother and her other relatives a lot of questions, sigh there would be more conflicts in the future with the school approaching

he just waited and everything went well  



	2. what I feel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and well here another chapter of this story, I hope and you like it

It had been a while since he had told Barley about how he felt, and to be honest it was the best he could do, because he knew that he would not have carried that weight if he had not told anyone how he feels, he had decided to dress this Once he wanted, out of all those dresses, skirts and bows and other things to wear the old clothes of his brother that he lent it to himself, he was glad that it was not so difficult to get clothes because he literally only asked for it once to see what it looked like in those clothes, and now I wore it daily a weight less than above

But not everything was good, the only thing he did was that his mother would ask him not once or twice if not several times about his new outfit, to which he did not know how to answer it, well he was supposed to tell her in the first place

And even if he found the right words to talk to her, he somehow hesitated to talk to her about various things, such as, for example, that he would be so nervous when talking to his mother that he might not say a half sentence before passing out or something, and another thing is that even if he could overcome his nerves when speaking he would not know what his reaction was

Maybe he would talk to her but this was not the time, and less with his mother, his limited time that now he had to work double shifts, and they were nowhere to go to school, it was a new school since they had to change both of them because it was a very expensive school that her mother could barely afford

new school meant new place and new classmates that he did not know, it was difficult for him to make friends in the first year very hardly and he could have a conversation with a person but to be honest I never consider him as a friend or something like that

This year it would be a little more difficult than the last, he wanted not to think about it much but apparently it was something difficult, sigh decided to better deal with other things to stop thinking about it, he went to the door and turned the knob closed the door and he went to the kitchen he expected to find his mother nearby or something like that, but he was not found he started walking towards the living room he could only see his brother

'Barley Mm do you know where mom is? I can't see her anywhere 'he said sitting on the living room sofa

'oh well I think she said she was going to work alone this time she decided to go earlier because she had been called from her job, because she had to cover someone's shift or something like that I really didn't understand much, but well what happened your blankets stuck it is nine in the morning'he said mockingly

I raised my eyebrow and looked confused but then I saw the clock which if it was nine o'clock, I opened my eyes wide surprised 'I really slept so much! Why didn't they wake me up earlier? '

'Well, I did want to wake you up, but mom said that I should let you sleep more ... but even so, you don't look like you're getting up now that you were doing ... wait, you weren't practicing magic at home, right? Because if that's the way you show me, 'he said, smiling somewhat enthusiastically

'Than? No Barley was not practicing magic at home 'I breathe a little tired' Barley with barely a few days left to go to the new school you know '

'I know isn't it amazing? We will meet new friends and I will be able to carry out all my knowledge, perhaps to someone as knowledgeable as me '

'Well, I don't know how amazing ... we will go to a new school where we don't know anyone and we already have the years started in the old school we attended, we will practically be the center of attention for all of them'

'well I still think that is good, we can meet new people  
but tell me what are you worried about making new friends?'

He narrowed his eyes, well it wasn't exactly what he was afraid of, apart from the small feeling of fear, that most people have when going to a new school, for him it was a little higher

'Well ... Barley, what if we don't make friends, have you just thought about that?' He got up from the sofa and looked for a few seconds towards the window, and then he saw his brother, 'I'm not being pessimistic, but maybe the new school isn't. Whatever we expect, what will happen when I show up, everyone will see me wird and ... 'I sigh

'That is what worries you ... everything will be fine and if it is not ... well you know that I will always be for you you know that if someone bothers you I will defend you!'

'But I don't want that ... I want you to live your normal school life, not that you are there all the time to cover my back, Look Barley let's just forget this conversation'

'but ..' he sighed in defeat, his brother at times carrying his own pride

He decided to leave all of this up to here, which was best for both of them right now, due to the fact that he didn't want trouble with his little younger brother.

'then ... it doesn't correspond to me but since we are both going to a new school, maybe you want to change something ... you know'

'Do you mean my appearance? Or not, mama, it would kill me, if I only cut an inch of my hair' he said something paranoid, although he already knew that would not happen, if he would be reprimanded for doing that, although if he wanted to do it a changed before going to school

'But it's mom I would never do anything like that ... well I don't think so although maybe if I scold you but well it was only optional'

and I was right but I was still afraid, because I would have to be afraid I had so many doubts to do it, sigh  
  
don't you have scissors?' Although he knew that he would regret having made this decision, it was the best thing he could do as he saw Barley go up the stairs, he was alone for a few moments, he saw his reflection for the last time before the mirror that was in the room, a few minutes had passed and finally his brother had returned with scissors

'Maybe they are not the best ... but well they are the only ones I could get, since the last time I used scissors,' he said sadly, coming back with memories of what they prohibited him from using scissors for 'but hey, can I cut it for you?'  
  
'Of course Barley' to be honest that was one of his worst decisions, but it was much better to tell him alone, he sat in a chair that was close there, his brother had not said anything, because now he was cutting his hair they lasted like this for a long time, Ian the only thing I could see were long blue locks falling to the ground, time passed very slowly for him but he had already finished cutting his hair  
  
'I will bring you a mirror to see what you think,' he said, who went to grab the closest mirror in the house, 'it is the first time he cut someone's hair, but I think it worked out for me!' he said with emotion

Ian ignored his words and looked in the mirror, well it wasn't exactly the best cut and maybe he was even a little uneven in certain areas of his hair, but it was good at least he saw it that way, he had finally got rid of his long hair It felt so good to look in the mirror the first time in the mirror like that, he smiled

'thanks for helping me Barley' smiled this time friendly mind, he then put the mirror on a small table and then got up from the chair, felt his legs a bit asleep from the fact that he had been sitting for so long

'is nothing! whatever for my little brother 'he said smiling from ear to ear

Ian looked at him, it was the first time he referred to him as his brother, he still wondered how something so simple made him feel this way, they both played clear but not before cleaning and then they played the rest of the morning until it was done afternoon they both looked at the clock marked three in the afternoon

'ohh well I think it's a little late, maybe it won't be long before mom comes back' said Barley looking at the clock

they both decided to wait for their mom sitting on the sofa, so they lasted for long minutes until they both got bored of doing nothing

'Well this is boring Barley, are you sure Mom will come now?' he said sighing a little tired, he was not very patient if he was doing nothing and waiting

'If I'm sure, although I don't know exactly what he meant by three o'clock, maybe he'll be here in about forty minutes or something,' said something doubtful of his words.

'Then I think it would be better to do something while she comes back no, I don't like not doing anything for a long time' Ian asked, although although he had already tired of playing all day 'maybe we should do something else, it's a bit boring to have played all the board games we had and that '

'Maybe we should do magic'

Ian looked at him doubtfully, he just sat on the sofa

'Barley maybe something else ... hmm well maybe we should go to the penthouse, we haven't been there for a long time'

'I like the idea but..mama said we couldn't be up there, unless it was if she was there' we both frowned, this couldn't be worse, and boring

both were interrupted from their thoughts, until they heard the door opening, both directed their gazes at the same time to see how the knob moved and the door began to be pushed, both saw that it was his mother  
But it was not only she who entered, both looked stunned at who could be the person who accompanied Mom, it was obviously someone they did not know

The first to enter was her mother, who the first thing she saw was Ian, it was a bit obvious his surprised reaction he thought he was going to be scolded or something, but he said nothing although somehow he believed that she just walked His conversation for later, although that did not reassure him, his curiosity was undeniable who was the man who came next to her, that was not a question that was asked if not his brother who had the same doubts as the

'ehh kids well I think I should introduce him to the Colt Bronco' she said in a low voice

both children looked at each other confused

"Nice to meet you, Laurel. You never told me you had another son," he said, referring to Ian.

the room formed a somewhat uncomfortable environment, and more with the new person who was in the room right now with them, none of the children knew what to say or do, well they are supposed to do both were puzzled, and more for that his mother had not spoken that someone would come to the house

'hmm children sorry to come like this, but well in fact we were going to come earlier, but the traffic was very intense today you know' she said trying to break the silence

'... hello ... sir, my name is Barley, nice to meet you,' said the hand greeting, he would be lying if he said not to see Barley as nervous because he was

but he doubted that more than he, who he was supposed to say to this man, and for what reason he came with his mother who is supposed to be his mother, he did not see himself as a co-worker of hers or something, as he I suppose I would say I did not mean that name, I hear how the guy started talking to him, that startled him from his thoughts

'and your boy, hehe don't be afraid I'm just a friend of your mother'

her mom was about to correct it, but Ian started to speak gathering enough confidence to speak

'm-my name is Ian..Lightfood sir nice to meet you sir' Ian Lightfood what the hell did that come from, he thought for a few moments turning the corner of his eyes for a few seconds to see his mother somewhat surprised, he began to feel more and more nervous he would not know if he could stay on his feet, because his legs were shaking a little more with each passing second  
  
"Well, very nice little man," he said smiling, he walked away from him, this time towards his mother, he immediately turned away from him and stayed by Barley's side.

'You have good boys Laurel' he said sitting on the sofa

Both boys continued with the same feeling of confusion and nervousness about this guy, they exchanged glances for a few seconds until they saw their mother addressing them  
  
'kids ... maybe they want to go to their room for a few moments, in a moment I will cook something for them' she said speaking to both in a low voice, neither of the two children replied anything, the first to leave was Barley, who did not doubt it. a second, instead Ian stood in silence for a few seconds he saw his mother, who apparently still wanted to say something to him, he was not a fool not to know it was obvious what would tell him the best for him was to leave from there to your room

'I-I think I'll go with Barley bye-bye mom' said the boy running, immediately leaving even faster than Barley from there he arrived a few seconds later to his room and closed the door with force, the boy lay on the ground hiding his face on your knees

'uhh what happened down there' asked Barley confused

Ian showed his face again, took a few seconds to speak, did not know what he meant because in fact enough had happened in a few minutes

'Barley spent a lot of time down there, and not only I know I could ask the same question, you don't normally behave like this when you visit'

Barley sat next to him, sighed, knowing his younger brother was right.

'Okay, okay, you have me, but you must admit that it is strange, who is that man, I mean mom, he never mentioned us about him and he doesn't seem like one of mama's coworkers, or any new mama's coworker for if it were like that, I wouldn't have let this guy Carl or something like that in here '

'in fact ... it's Colt but if you're right' he began to remember a little of what had happened a few minutes ago down there 'if I remember more mom had said that he was her friend'

Although that was something that the two of them were not sure of, and neither of them wished they were more than that, they did not want to think in more detail about it, they just waited and was just a friend of their mother.

'So ... Ian?' asked Barley this time to change the subject for now.

to which he turned the minor almost immediately

'oh that ... well sorry Barley I panicked I didn't know what to do ... I just told him the first thing that occurred to me' he said somewhat nervously, he didn't think he remembered

'which is a really good name, I would never have thought of that name'

'If it is a good name although you know ... it would have been better if I had not said it in front of mom!' He returned to lock his face in his legs sorry for the situation, it was not supposed to be how he would choose his name and worse show up with him, he feared for his mother's reaction, he knew that he had to tell him one day but I never hope that day would come so soon

'You still think about it, I don't think mom will react like this to you'

'Why are you so sure Barley ... I mean I cut my hair very short and then I was presented with a masculine name, how do you want me to react you think everything will be fine'

'Well I'm sure she's our mother if ... I doubt she hates you or something like that just for that and if she doesn't, you know I'll always be with you Ian ... uh ... do you want me to call you that?' said the last thing doubting

ian nodded

'If it's a good name ... although probably when I remember its origin I will laugh a little' that made them both smile their smile faded a second later

'So Ian..what will we do in a little while we will have to go down' this time I ask his younger brother

'Well ... we have to go down, as much as neither of us want to go down ... unfortunately' he said heavily, he got up from the ground 'although I still don't know what I will say to Mom ... I will try to be as respectful as possible with my..my mom's friend '

'if you're right ... even though I'm still a bit anxious in front of that man' said Barley

although to be fair they both were, the minutes passed very quickly, the lunch hour was already very close, both now just waited for their mother to call them, it was a matter of minutes

Ian was about to speak but was interrupted by his mother's voice

'children, the food is already here, come down before I both got cold' said his mother on the other side of the door

Both, as they normally went a little faster now they hesitated a little to go, but as they had agreed both had to go even if they did not want to, apart from that it was not an option they had to eat

'We better go down if Mom doesn't get mad at both of them' Ian said quietly, both opened the door and walked slowly towards the stairs, both went to the kitchen to see his mother and his friend

They both sat in their respective chairs without saying anything, they saw how their mother served them on their plates

They both stared at their food, this was the most uncomfortable food they have had in years, even Barley who was the first to eat this time did not look very hungry

'So, kids, what can you tell me about you?', neither of the children answered anything, they saw the expression of discomfort of both of them. And I like to play sports like soccer and basketball, what do you like to do?

We both hesitate to speak but this time Ian started, trying to do it as quickly and briefly as possible

'Well then ... I like to read ... books' in recent months he has been learning to read better and better than before, before he got to a new school, he only said that

'That is very good, and well what can you tell me about you boy?' he said referring to Bailey

"I like to play all kinds of board games and play with my toys, and sometimes investigate about magic," he also said, just talking, "and I suppose you sometimes collect cards."

'interesting tastes children! Although now that I think about it, what about his sister 'he said turning around

Ian felt nervous almost choking on his own saliva, the same hitting his chest to stop feeling the drowning now.

'Are you okay Ian?' asked his brother next to him in a whisper.

as soon as he stopped feeling that he could feel better again, although he was still very nervous he answered his brother

'Yes Barley, calm was nothing and I'm fine' he stared at his mother, who was almost as uncomfortable as he, said nothing for the pain he was feeling in these moments

'Colt, I think it's getting a little late already, no ... you work very early tomorrow and I don't want you to fall asleep so late'

'oh ok, Laurel does not matter I had already thought about leaving ... you know, I live a little far even to go by car, but thanks for everything seriously, and nice to meet you children can send greetings to their younger sister from me good afternoon'he said saying goodbye to both children with a handshake and then said goodbye to his mother 'goodbye!'

He said leaving to leave the family alone, again leaving an even more uncomfortable environment than when he was sitting in the chair, none really knew what to say except Barley, who came up with a joke but did not feel that this was the best time to do it

Ian was ready for what might happen next, but at the same time he wanted to avoid that conversation before it even starts, but could he even do such a thing? It wasn't as if he could get up and leave it was much more difficult than that, he hadn't seen his mother since that unexpected visit had left, maybe he didn't see her for fear or pain of talking or maybe a little of both in he really didn't know he saw his mother for a few seconds

'Ellen, we have to talk'

those were the four most feared words that many people feared because they meant much more than those simple four words

I just wanted this not to be bad ..  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope and you liked this chapter as much as I liked writing I hope so and have a good day!


	3. I know how you want to be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some things don't end how you want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, I have come with this new chapter, I hope and you all like it

a few long seconds of silence had passed since his mother had said that, a few long seconds of an empty and uncomfortable silence reigned in the room, because none of the children knew what to say especially Ian who was very nervous at the moment

'Barley, can you leave your sister and me alone?' Said his mother this time, addressing his older brother.

which he did not know what to do, whether to leave or stay, although he was not in a position to refuse and less with the reaction his mother was having at the moment he decided that he had to leave but not before talking a bit with Ian

'Ian, don't forget what we talked about ... you know that she is our mother and she will love you unconditionally above all,' he said quietly, then to leave, how true was that, because at the moment he was very fearful

he silence continued in the house room, with each second that passed it became even more and more uncomfortable and to be in this place, Ian looked with fear at his mother did not know why he was still silent, was it possible that he wanted him to speak first or something like that, he didn't believe it or it could be that his mom was so angry with him to talk to him right now

Because it had to be this way, he was so focused on his own fears of what might happen next, that he was even sweating too much even for a child, right now the only thing he could think of to do was run away from there as much as possible. fast as possible it sounded too bad but it was his only way out of this situation

He turned his gaze towards the clock, it marked that it was already late, so if he was lucky he could invent an excuse to leave here as soon as possible, he was about to mention that but it had been interrupted almost so quickly that it hardly opened mouth and mention a word

'Ellen, I want to know what is happening with you, what has been happening in these last months, I did not tell you anything when you dressed in your brother's pants and shirts, but this by God has already exceeded all limits'

the boy did not know what to answer, he played with his fingers under the table in a very nervous way 'mom.. I-I' his voice stopped, he could not even put together complete sentences without his voice trembling

'because you cut your hair, you know how beautiful it was before now it does not even reach the shoulders, you know that it will take a long time to grow as you had before' she said a little angry 'tell me why you cut your hair like this, I thought you loved your long hair '

he had never said that he loved his long hair, rather he always hated it but he had to hide that fact, and replace with that he just liked to tie it  


but he was supposed to answer that to his mom, she was already angry and he was afraid that if he told her that she would get even more angry with him, he just kept quiet

Please answer what I am asking you Ellen, you know how much I am concerned about what is happening with you, oh dear how you went from dresses and bows to shirts, pants and short hair, even my friend Colt thought you were a boy, tell me what happens is that maybe I'm doing something wrong with you '

Ian more and more pressured that he felt with his mother's questions that were becoming much more difficult to answer, he tried to calm himself, but his mother clouded his mind more and more, he closed his eyes for a few seconds Trying to clear up a bit, he remembered for a few moments what his brother had said to him several times, it was his mother, even if she did not agree with him, he would always be her son, .. hopefully

'Mom, I'm sorry, it's not your fault, if that's what you think, I was really going to tell you but hey, I didn't exactly want you to react this way or worse,' he saw the confused look of his mom, he couldn't choose better words but towards his best he was not the best in this type of conversations that involved opening up to himself 'you see mom..I..a while ago..very long time I have been feeling unhappy with my clothes and towards being Ellen '

'What are you talking about like you don't like dressing like this ... wait, you're saying that you don't like to call yourself Ellen', she said, not understanding what she meant, 'wait, you're saying, I can't understand, Ellen, I want you to be more serious, not just saying things So '  
  
the atmosphere became even more tense and heavy in the room for both, Ian wishes that this conversation was not happening

'Mom, what I'm trying to say is that I'm not Ellen LightFoot, I'm..Ian LightFoot', she almost choked on her own saliva, being so nervous, her body made her feel this, she almost reached the point of having a panic attack once, It was how he felt right now, luckily for the same achievement, staying as calm as he could before that could happen, he clenched his fists to give himself enough courage to keep talking 'I'm a boy ... that's what he wanted tell you, that's why I always get upset when they called me Ellen and I hated everything you put me on as clothes' I swallow deeply, until now I did not know how he could continue with this he saw his mother's face, he was in shock the already He did not want to continue in this place but he had to be there anyway, he wanted to see what his mother said, he was so anxious that he had already thought about asking his mother how he felt about this, because he could not stand this long silence

'But how can you feel that, Ellen, you are still a very small girl, seven years old by the way, how can you know that, rather you should not even be thinking about that ... I know that you have always been very advanced in terms of maturing But even so, you are too young to decide that, if you even considered it?

'Of course I did it mom ... it's the first thing I thought I was still too young for this, but I just felt even worse with each day mom' under his face this was becoming even more difficult for him to explain

'As I said you are too young to know that ... and if you are wrong, and if it is not what you wanted and you end up feeling worse than before, Ellen life is very short, please if you are not sure of this, please do not do it don't listen to this little phase you're going through right now, 'she said, trying to somehow convince him

'Mom ... it is not a phase' he said quietly, he knew that it was not a passing thing, it was something that he felt for a long time

'How is it that you know, you are too young to know something like that ... if you had only told me in about ten years more I would believe it ... but not now, please stop doing this to you'

Mom, I know that you think that because I am young I still don't know what I want ... but you are wrong if I am very young, but I really feel like this is not a phase as you say'

'daughter please ... look I'll take you to a doctor he will clarify all this and we can live a normal life, do you understand?' she said resigning herself but still firm at the idea that it was only a phase he was going through

is the only thing he said and then said that he could go now, he went to his room going up the stairs and then opening the door, he didn't know why the hell he supposed that this was all a good idea in the first place, because in truth It was one of the most terrible, it was all just a dreadful attempt to tell her mother how she felt, and it all went totally wrong

e went straight to bed, he did not feel like talking to anyone right now, he just felt that his attempt to consider that his mother would accept him that easily, because that would never happen, this was real life, not everyone went to understand this and she knew it very well, but I don't expect her mother to be the first to tell her all this

It was perhaps a reality hit, but if his mother reacted like this he did not imagine how they would react at his school, or in the future with anyone he related, obviously some related in a bad way and perhaps others do not care and only a few will not mind

was his reality

'Are you okay Ian' asked his worried brother across the room 'you look angr-'

Of course, no, Barley, I'm not fine, you understand, I don't even know how to consider telling mom, it would have been better to run away from here or tell a lie than this, for your answer if I'm angry, and don't do me the favor of saying no. be this and tell me a speech about this because I don't want to hear it 'said the boy quite angry

'hey..just worry about you there is no reason to startle..but tell me what happened why are you angry' worried

Ian frowned, sighed and decided that he should not act like this with his brother, because he was not to blame for this, nor apparently anyone, he began to calm down a little more  
  
'I'm sorry Barley ... look I don't really want to talk but I'll summarize it for you, mom just believed that this is all just a phase from which I will soon come out and said she would take me to a doctor to clarify doubts'

'Seriously ... but ... he didn't tell you anything else,' he said, speaking quietly.

'if he said so well that he was too young to know what I want and other things ... I don't want to remember that if ...' the boy hid his face in the pillow, he had a great repressed desire to scream with all his might

'And what will you do Ian ... you sound like ... more and more muted, it is perhaps that you will give up'

'I don't know what you mean by that ... but I never said I was doing it, I'm just ... a little confused, yeah, I never saw Mom act like that ... but I'm glad it wasn't worse, but I'm going to feel bad that Ellen will keep telling me despite having already told her that my name is now Ian '

'You should give her time, you know adults are rare in many ways, and they are more hardheaded than any other child that I have ever known when it comes to certain topics, I am sure that in time she will accept you'

I wish and it were true, although that did not make Ian feel better in any of the aspects, I felt that it was not worth telling people how he feels if everyone would say the same thing, that he is a fool to think about that, he felt that they would never take him seriously in his life

'Barley, I really don't know if mama will understand' I just hoped she wouldn't stop loving him just because he was different, he sat on the bed, sometimes when he was nervous he liked to sit quietly until his own mind kept blank That calmed him down, he closed his eyes slowly

Barley was about to speak again but saw his brother who had fallen asleep, apparently

The night passed normally, although Ian there were certain moments when he woke up from his sleep but it was only twice, it was already morning again this time the first to wake up was Ian, who got up directly going to the bathroom and then the bass up the stairs, he went carefully to the kitchen but apparently no one was there again

He began to calm down, it was not that he did not want to see his mother or something like that but after the talk they had, that conversation last night, he did not want to face his mother again at least in these moments, he still felt a Little strange, now his mother knows his secret and although his reaction was not as he expected, he still knew it, that made him feel a little more free, although he knew that it was not one hundred percent because his mother would still tell him Ellen who knows how much longer

ust when he thought that he could be alone, for a few moments, he saw his mother headed towards the kitchen, he looked at her for a few seconds then turned his gaze to the right

'And why did you arrive early?'

Ian turned his eyes towards his mother, he did not understand very well what was happening or why he had said that

'hmm i woke up early and wanted to be in the kitchen for a few minutes' said the boy who wanted to get out of here as fast as possible

'Well, since you're here so early, maybe you should go upstairs to wake up your brother,' said his mother, looking in the fridge for what she was going to cook.

Ian looked doubtfully at his mother for a few seconds, but didn't want to be alone with her anymore right now so he nodded and headed towards his room

he saw how the older boy was still sleeping he did not hesitate twice to wake him up, and he moved him to wake him up

'Barley, oh come on wake up I know you fell asleep just a few minutes after I did' he moved a little more until he started waking up  
  
'hmm what happens, why are you waking me at this time' he said opening his eyes slowly for the light that was coming out of the window that was bothering his eyes a little 'Ian, fence is the first time you wake up first than me, to that that honor is due'

'hey don't play with me now ... mom told me to wake you up so we can have breakfast' said the boy sitting on the bed

'Okay, I'll be down in a few minutes, but can you tell me why you come so excited'

'Barley we can go downstairs now, you know that mama will get mad if the food gets cold' said the boy, changing the subject immediately, he was sorry to do that, but he felt deeply nervous and scared deep inside for being alone with his mother again

he older boy didn't refuse to go down this time, both of them had now arrived at the kitchen almost at the same time, both sat in the chair, his mother had served the food, Ian was the only one who remained silent, he had even lost what little appetite he had now, he couldn't just get up and go, although it sounded very easy to do it wasn't

his brother sometimes tried to get him into the conversation or just talk a little with him, but in no case did it work, he still kept quiet and the only thing he limited himself to doing was nodding or saying short answers to the questions they asked him

this was not going to work, keeping quiet all the time was only going to worry his mother and his brother more, because of all the nervousness he was carrying now, he would try to talk to his mother again

'Mom we can talk ... again' he said out loud to get her attention, he saw that she had not said anything, he did not know if he should continue, he swallowed deeply 'it's about last night, I know what you said but still so I would like to tell you wha- '

'Ellen we already talked last night, and I was quite clear, there is nothing more to talk about today, let's forget the matter, I had already told you that I will take you to therapy so you can live your normal life, nothing that a small visit to the psychologist to help you through the little phase you're going through '

Oh jesus

'Mom, I have nothing to go to therapy, that's fine, I'll go if it's what you want, but it's not a phase,' he said, keeping his voice calm and high.

'It's true mom, I don't think it's a phase either ...' this time his brother said out loud

'oh god why also your Barley, look Ellen I don't want to argue with you anymore I already told you yesterday, you are too young to know something like that, please I want this food to go normal'

Ian frowned, well apparently he would not change her mind, but what would she do if she would never see him as Ian, she did not have many options right now, but she did not want to leave it this way, but it was the only thing I could do nothing for now, it was the only thing I could do, I had the feeling of wanting to cry, but it never happened

the only thing left was to go to the psychologist, he would clarify everything at once, but what would happen if he told him that if how he feels in any way is in a way, he knew that he was not the only one to be like this, if he knew of the existence of more people like him, but he was not sure what that word was called, maybe his mother continues with the idea that it was a phase that would soon pass, maybe this was how it would always happen

maybe you should get used to that idea .

the days passed, he was getting much closer to going to school, he still wondered if it was one of those schools where you had to wear a uniform like the previous one, anyway it would be a problem, the boy had gone a bit more than half seeing the rain behind the window, it had become a very calm day, and a bit boring since due to the rain it had to be sheltered from the rain

'What a boring day, I wanted to go outside just a new game had occurred to me and it starts to rain, day fence not Ian'

Ian turned his eyes for a few seconds to his brother, all he did was nod, there were other long silences of silence. Ian also started to get bored of just seeing the rain, he moved away from the window and put the curtains back in place.

'Yes, you are right, it is boring this day, but what else can we do? It is raining too hard this day and to be worse, all this, Mom is not at home.'

'I think he had gone to the store ... well it was before all this rain came, so I guess he would still be out there' said the older boy getting up from the bed

'hmm I see.'

'But tell me something,' asked his older brother this time, which made him wonder a little.

'What's up Barley, what do you want to ask me' even though he could sense a little of what his question might be he still dared to ask

'what do you plan to do when you go to school ..'

Right now, he really wanted to broach the subject but not right now, it was just something he was thinking about right now, but he never stopped to think that he would ask him, that he was supposed to do when he was there, he had already thought about it many times. In spite of saying that he did not like to think about it, but he never knew exactly what to do

'I know that I have said it many times ... but I still do not know what I will do' I did not understand why this conversation always had to come

'don't be afraid of that, I know that everything will be fine Ian'

He said the same thing when he told his mother he confessed what he felt, he no longer knew how true that would be, and honestly he did not want to think much more about it, or rather never think about it.

I just wanted to rest from all those thoughts, because since she had talked to her mother about it, they have not stopped

I just wanted to stop thinking about all that for at least an hour so I could be calm, but just by thinking that there is less and less time to go to school, I felt that way again.

Now he wondered what his future life would be like, apparently it would be one disaster after another, he could not say anything about that, because he did not know for sure what it would be like, but he already had many scenarios of them, it was simply his mind which From his fears and insecurities it made him think about all of that, he took a deep breath trying to blank his mind, which only worked for a few short moments, it was enough so that he did not feel nervous again and stuttered worse right now

'I hope so Barley, but the truth if I am honest, I would like to stop thinking about it'

'hmm well ... even though you know it takes less time for the holidays to end, our mother had already registered us a while ago'

'I know, she herself told us that she would enroll us, although she never said which one, I suppose is one that is close to school I don't know'

'Well, changing the subject, mom said ... what would take you ... with a doctor ... what happened'

'Well Barley, the truth is that he still hasn't taken me, but he said that he has already made an appointment and I will go on one of these days too' it was only a matter of a few days, it was something else pending

although there was something that reassured him about all this, and it was the fact that his mother kept talking to him, clearly not as he wanted

apparently there was something his brother had not been wrong about, it was his mother and he would never hate him

although of course there were still important things like not taking him seriously, although that was more for his age

that's what he expected


	4. go alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another day for Ian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter

the day to go to school had already arrived, after so long the holidays were over, something deep inside him told him that everything would be fine

even for all the times that everything would be fine, he felt that they were just saying that to reassure him, but that no longer mattered he was already getting ready for the first day in his new school, at least for a bit of his luck in this school it was not required uniform, although of course they bothered him by dressing like this, he had already argued days ago with his mother again, who wanted to force him to dress in a way, so horrible was that day that he was almost punished for having yelled, he felt so bad for having that done that day, although with that it only made his mother think that more than a phase it was a type of temporary tantrum, it was even worse than before in a way

'Ian you are ready, mom already made breakfast and said that if you do not come quickly you will have to eat in the car' said his brother entering the room

Because time had to pass so quickly, he went to the door before leaving, saw his room, I wish to be there even a few minutes more, which was impossible at the moment because I had no option to choose whether to attend to school or not

He sat at the table and began to eat breakfast, he saw the clock which read seven thirty, it was not long to go to school, even by car if more minutes were late, this time he was the first to finish eating, despite from not having much of an appetite he still ate

a few minutes later he had also finished eating

'Mom, we're done eating Ian and me' he said for some strange reason for him, pointing more to his name

'Well since we're going to be staying down here for a while ... Barley wanted to ask something'

'and what did you want to ask me'

I didn't know whether to ask him

which in a way made his mother annoy, he did not say anything, he just kept quiet without being able to avoid feeling a little uncomfortable because his mother was now seeing him more

'Ellen maybe ... you should go upstairs and put on other clothes'

Ian started to sweat, he didn't want to do that, but he didn't want to argue with his mother either, he started walking towards the car without answering his mother, even so he felt bad because technically he just ignored her and that was no better than answer, but did not want to argue with her any more and not do what they just ordered, he fastened his seatbelt, wishing that this day would end and that it would finally be dark so he could sleep and hope that the next one would be better

the trip to school also became very uncomfortable, luckily his mother had not said anything to him after the before, that made him feel relieved, which did not last long until they arrived at school, he saw how his brother said goodbye from his mother, and he got out of the car fast, right now it lasted if he got out of the car, he felt too scared to do it

'Ellen you have to get out of the car, it will be late and then they will not let you into class' she said in a low voice

He did not know whether to listen to his mother this time, excluding what had happened previously, he was not someone who disobeyed his mother, but even so, at this moment his fear was greater, he could not even reply that he did not want to go these moments I couldn't say a word

'can you come down please' his mother spoke again

The boy, approached his trembling hand towards the door handle and then pushing it, and got out of the car, he felt his trembling feet touch the ground, he swallowed deeply before heading inside the school he saw his mother again

'goodbye ellen..I will come back for the two of you at the exit' she was gone

He entered the school, he saw the halls of the school, apparently it was a little big school, not as big as the previous one, but if it was a little big he wondered where his brother was at the moment, he heard the voice of someone behind him

'Ian, I'm behind you' that made him almost scream in fright 'hey, don't be scared, I was waiting for you here in time, why did you take so long, you know I've been here for five minutes'

He calmed down a little more that it was his brother who was there

'I'm sorry Barley ... it doesn't matter now we had better go to our classroom' he said in a low voice, it was getting late, just a few more minutes and they would not let them in, both agreed to meet at the break again, He said goodbye to his brother and then went to his room, the first thing he found a little wrong but more personally was that his room and his brother were very separated from each other, after that he did not find anything bad about his school, the road too slow to go to his classroom, but in his defense the hallways were too long, he had finally found his classroom, and as with the car door I hesitate to open it, but had to open before someone came or their teacher came

took a deep breath, and opened the door

He sat as fast as possible in one of the back seats, and put on his hood, if he was lucky he would not attract the attention of his colleagues, he arranged his backpack in his seat, there were moments when he felt very calm, that unluckily for him, it was only very momentary, the turn of his eyes towards someone who was talking to him was at least three or four inches bigger than him, he was a boy who did not look very pleasant

'Hey you, weird get out of there, that's my place' I hear the powerful voice of the annoying boy, he did not look like the bully guy at school, in fact he looked like a good guy, now he would only try to be the most formal and respectful as possible and deny your request, which at first hand was a very rude

'Sorry..but none of the seats have an owner, and I would consider your request if you asked for it in a good way' he said quietly, doing his best to make his voice sound as masculine as possible

'That you are deaf, do not ask you, move from there now or I will remove blows from you, damn weird'

He did not want to cause problems and less if this was his first day in a new school, he decided not to argue with the boy anymore, although he felt bad about leaving just like that, he took his backpack and got up from the bench to change places, Something told him that this would not be a calm or normal day, he sat in another seat away from that of the bad-tempered boy, now Ian was much closer to everyone, and now he was the center of attention for having responded to the boy from a while ago, apparently it didn't go as unnoticed as he wanted

He could even hear how they murmured about him, it did not take much importance at the moment, the only thing he wanted was for the departure time to arrive as soon as possible to leave here, he saw the clock

not even ten minutes had passed, he wondered why the classroom teacher had not come, just when he thought about it and all the students heard the classroom door open, to see his teacher go through it, he sat at the desk I was about to start the first class of the day that apparently was history, but I did not understand why the class had not started yet, I hear as the teacher cleared his throat to silence the students who were talking

'Well children since everyone is silent, I wanted to tell you that today we have a new classmate in our class,' said the teacher aloud, capturing the attention of all his classmates, more hum was heard in the back places, everyone wondered who It could be, instead, he already knew that he was referring to it, that made him nervous again, he already knew that it was common for each student to be told to be new, but he had never thought about it until now.

'Miss Ellen Lightfoot could get up from her seat and come forward with her peers'

This time he said it addressing him, all his classmates quickly looked at him, he felt all the pressure from his classmates and his teacher who repeated the same thing twice, he would have no choice but to get up and introduce himself, but still he did not feel capable enough to do it, he took a deep swallow and shyly got up from his seat walking slowly towards the front without saying anything, he could still hear them murmuring even more but this time from all over the room, which was now almost about him, he stopped in front of the living room, he did not feel like doing this, nor to be here certainly

'Hello everyone ... I come from m-my old National Emblem school, I hope I get along with everyone' he said as briefly as possible, his teacher was about to reply that, but he decided not to do it this time since he was a child again it seemed normal for him to act that way

'Okay Miss Ellen can take your place' said the teacher, he sat in the seat, who only stood for a minute in which he was in front could not help feeling equally bad, I notice how most children saw him like a weirdo, his first day in this place and they were already labeling him in many ways, the class passed but he could not concentrate on all that time, he heard how he rang the bell and came out last when there was no longer any of his classmates

* * *

the way through the corridors of the school, it was still very confusing the school was a little bigger than what he had seen previously, also he did not agree on a place to meet his brother Barley, so it would be very difficult to find him, he wanted to find him quickly , he did not feel comfortable with the idea of being alone, he began to walk faster, he felt observed for a strange reason, he decided to ignore that feeling and hurry more but each time he went to a corridor he only ended up in corridors that led to nothingness. be the wall there or it just came back

'hey your girl, you know I'm talking to you there is no one else in the school who is walking around the school dressed as a boy' I hear a voice behind him, wanting to ignore that and wanting to avoid more problems he kept walking hoping maybe he got tired, but he felt someone take it from his hood and pull him towards the wall, finally he saw who was doing this, it was the boy from a while ago, now he could see it better he was at least four years older than the bone was at least eleven years old, he did not understand why those things happened to him

'are you deaf again perhaps, well it doesn't matter, I just wanted to say hello you know not every day you find something like you'

a thing like that, that had gotten him a little bit he wanted to let go but the only thing he achieved was that his grip was stronger than before, he would not want to resort to anything before trying to reason with the boy

'Could you let me go please, you are hurting me and apart you are making everyone look at us' he said going towards him in a low voice, with what the oldest had just done they had captured the attention of more than half of the students who were passing by there

'That perhaps the princess can't bear a little push, I thought you would bear it more without crying, that perhaps you want to be a man, or I'm sorry, I forgot, that's impossible'

That comment couldn't help but bother Ian, but trying to calm down would do nothing to make him look bad at his school and the least he wanted them to be trouble.

'Please could you let me go please, I already told you once I don't want any problems' he said still trying to let go but the grip became stronger that he detected how he was holding his skin, it was bigger than him and consequently stronger than him

'You are threatening me ... The tomboy girl is threatening me, don't make me laugh, but well before you start crying like the little girl you are, I wanted to tell you something else, her voice sounded lower

Ian turned his uncomfortable eyes to another side, he was beginning to feel more and more intimidated by this boy and he no longer knew what else to do, he had already told him several times and the guy did not understand, the only thing that managed was that he became more violent

'I'll be watching you monster' he said as he threw him forcefully to the side, he hit his back with one of the columns of the school that was next to him, he almost fell to the ground but managed to stay on his feet, his skin hurt of the neck by the grip and the back, he turned to all sides, the boy was no longer in the corridors luckily, he began to walk despite the pain in his back from  
the strong impact that had occurred with the column, I just wanted to get out of here now with more desire

He saw how everyone saw him with a lot of different emotions, those from his room saw him with disgust and the others with pity and others just ignored him, none of those who were there arrested the boy from before, he felt invisible to the others for that reason, it was obvious that nobody here cared

He kept walking for a few minutes in silence, I hear a few steps behind him, the fearful of turning his head slowly, for his peace of mind it was only his brother, but he still felt a little anxious about what had happened to him a few minutes

'Hey Ian where you were, I was looking for you everywhere and I couldn't find you everywhere you were' he looked exhausted as if he had been running

'I could ask you the same thing' he sighed, he did not feel in the best way right now it was just the first day and he had already had problems he had not imagined what would happen in the following days

'oh well ... they didn't let me leave early until something ended, that's why I left a few minutes late, after that I went looking for you everywhere, but this school is a bit confusing and I think I got lost for a few moments, but well I'm glad to finally find you '

'oh okay Barley, it could happen to anyone' he saw a watch in the distance, it was about five minutes before he rang again 'although it won't be long before he rings the bell again'

'I guess we should go to our living room ... Quiet tomorrow I will try to choose a place to meet ... goodbye Ian see you at the exit'

They both agreed to meet at the exit in one place, he just waited and his mother arrived early for them, he went to his classroom and sat in his seat, the boys on his side were talking although he was not sure what was It was, but it would not take importance, the rest of the class was very uncomfortable, it was from the schools that changed teachers for each subject, that they mentioned it more than once with their other name, it did not help him much right now, in the small time when they were alone when they changed teachers and another came, it only made him feel uncomfortable being with people he does not know even if most were his age, that did not take away from the fact that on more than one occasion he did not feel part of it, maybe it was because he was new there but he felt that this would be the five years he had left, maybe he was paranoid

the departure time finally arrived, luckily

he was at the exit, he had met his brother this time faster, despite having gone through a sea of children who were leaving they could meet, both sat on an outside bench

'How well we came out, today was a pretty boring day' he said stretching, while saying it with a touch of encouragement, he turned to see Ian who said nothing 'and how did it go to you? you met new friends'

As I thought, his brother was very positive sometimes, he preferred not to say anything about what happened on this day 'well I suppose ... it was a fairly normal day, although they did teach us new things'

'that sounds good, well although changing the subject I can't wait to get home, today was a very long day'

As I had no idea, they both stayed there for a few minutes, there were fewer and fewer people in the place, both of them found it strange, their mother was very punctual

'hey what's up, because mom takes so long, she usually always came early for us when we went to our old school' asked the older brother, looking everywhere in search of his mother

'hmm well now that you mention it it's true ... she is always punctual in getting anywhere, maybe she will arrive in a few more moments' the younger reason a bit, but now that she thought about it she was right she had never come so late, although she had an explanation and maybe it's the traffic, who knows just waited and would be fine

They both waited for her for several minutes, each of them had different things in mind, they began to worry more about their mother, both were interrupted from their thoughts when they heard the sound of a horn, they thought that maybe it was someone else's father or mother child, since it was not the same horn as his mother's

'because that hooter does not stop ringing' said Barley in a low voice, both turned their eyes was their mother who was heading towards them, both rose from their seats

'kids ... here they are I am sorry I was late, the car broke down that's why I was late, but I am already here I am sorry I kept you waiting for so long'

Her brother walked towards her first, glad that she was there, he was also happy that she was there but how did he arrive ... was it perhaps the horn from before a car that just stopped when she came ..

'Hey, mom, I'm glad you came, but how are we going to leave? Well, rather, how did you come here? School is a bit far from home.'

'oh that ... well, I had a little help ... but it doesn't matter, we had better go now'

a little help, what did he mean by that, the three walked towards a car and he knew what he meant by his help, it was his mother's friend, something convenient, the three got into the car in silence, It was to be expected the day could not be worse, it is not that he disliked his mother's friend, but it was a little uncomfortable for him even having to talk to him, apart from that he seemed to be more than a friend for his mother, maybe it was just his imagination and if he was just a friend

'Hi guys how are you, how long' he greeted kindly to both

'Hello Mr. Colt' greeted his brother

he was just waiting and they would get home quickly, he was tired and it was getting hotter in the car, he thought that maybe because today had been a very sunny day, he stayed half the way seeing through the car window the landscape there Outside, the only voices that were heard were the voices of his mother and his friend, often his mother laughed, it did not bother him at all but there was something that just did not give him a good feeling, they finally came home, he felt so relieved as never before for having arrived

I wait for his mother to open the door and enter the house, even though he wanted to go to his room, his mother had told him to stay with his brother in the living room, both sat on the sofa

his mother was in the kitchen, he took the opportunity to speak to his brother

'Hey Barley..you know why mama said to stay here'

'I don't know Ian, she didn't tell us anything but it's boring to be in the room, but she told us to stay here for a moment, we can't disobey her'

'Well since we're going to stay down here for a while, Barley wanted to ask you something'

'okay, what did you want to ask me'

I didn't know how to ask him without sounding strange, but I hoped it wasn't like that, he sighed before speaking, looking for the most suitable words to speak

'Hey Barley, what do you think of our mom's friend?' he said quickly hoping that he hadn't heard him, I waited for him to speak but a few seconds passed 'sorry ... a rather strange question please forget it'

'w-what is not strange ... I was just a little surprised, because the truth is I don't know what to think ..'

'You are sure, you still act nervous in front of him, and that is very rare for you'

'well..you also act like this in front of him ..'

'Yes, but because I still don't know him completely, and apart ...' his voice lowered and stopped 'you don't think he's too close to mom ... even more so to be a friend' 'now that you mention it .. I think if you're right but I don't think that .. both of them well .. you know I don't think so '

He also wanted to believe that, but right now he was back in the kitchen with his mother, he hoped and that he was just a friend, after his answer, neither of them wanted to broach the subject that for both of them was too uncomfortable, a few minutes later. , his mother and his friend came, apparently they were ready to say something

'I'm glad that both of you are so calm on the sofa'

because she looked nervous, it was a thought that both of them thought

'Well, what your mother wanted to tell you is that-' was interrupted by the same clearing of your mother'I'm sorry ... I guess it's up to you to tell them more '

They both turned to see their mother, what she was referring to to find out what she meant by that.

'What did you want to tell us mom' Ian said looking at his mom looking for answers

'Yeah mom what did you want to tell us' this time Barley asked even more worried than his brother

several seconds passed of a very uncomfortable silence for the LightFoot family, both children watched questioning their mother, only hoping that it was not, what they feared

'Well, I guess they deserve..knowing it..what I wanted to say is that Colt and I are dating'

'What' both children said at the same time

'Wait, you're saying you're dating this man,' said Barley loudly.

'ehh Barley, well if I'm dating him for two months'

_Oh God_

this day I look worse than he expected ..

**Author's Note:**

> If I have come back after so long, I will try not to make this so long but well I hope and they liked this fic over there although I am not sure if someone would like the translation of my own works I am sorry for not knowing much English as I should
> 
> by the way this would be the ages of the characters in this chapter
> 
> Ian-6  
> Barley-11
> 
> I don't know if they really are their ages, they can take 5 years, but well, I would put their ages here  
> 


End file.
